I happened to notice, everyone I know is getting married. Ok not EVERYone, but more than just one. First my friend in Orlando texts me "I'M ENGAGED!" to which I begrudgingly respond "yay." Then a Facebook status of my once-upon-a-time-badass-nonconformist cousin read something like "Planning for wedding and blah blah blah" (I don't remember exactly since I just saw the wedding part and skipped over the rest). And most recently, my dearest childhood friend from New York's current boyfriend posts, once again via Facebook, "Lookin for a rock!"(Referring to an engagement ring and of course followed by the gratuitous "congrats!" comments.) Ugh.
It's not that I'm not happy for them being happy. I just always wonder if marriage is what makes people happy or if its the thought of eternal companionship (which doesn't require a legal union as far as I'm concerned)? I'm guessing its the latter since we equate one with the other despite quite a few key differences.
Ok , since I'm a dork, I dictionaried it:
mar·riage- the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law.
(2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage.
*(I just want to say thank you to Merriam- Webster for adding that second part of the definition in a small attempt to appease a progressive audience.)*
Sounds cut and dry to me. A consensual contract. How romantic.
I always like to ask people "if marriage isn't a business deal then why do people get married in churches, but get divorced in court?"
Why is this tradition so sought after? In a world where its ok to have sex before marriage, have a baby before marriage, wear hideous cupcake monstrosity dresses or on the other end of the spectrum wear pasties instead of dresses, be so wasted you can't remember the wedding and of course my favorite, marrying someone twice or thrice your age only to inherit their fortune. What's the worst offense? Trying to marry someone with the same junk as you. I don't get it.
We have turned the institution of marriage upside down. The building is still there, but we have covered it in graffiti, pissed in it's foyers and stairways, allowed stray animals to seek refuge in its attic and yet, its still rampant with foot traffic.Everyone wants to step foot in the house of marriage. But seriously I ask, after we've glamorized it, ghettoized it, and made it nearly unrecognizable, why bother with it at all? There are some obvious reasons I can understand like tax benefits, sharing health insurance, gaining citizenship and a few other logical benefits, but why mask these reasons with "because we're in love". Love is free last time I checked.Why not just stay together until you NEED to get married? Have a party in the name of your love filled union minus the boring, shitty ceremony that most people wish they were drunk for anyway?
I personally would find it interesting if all people who thought marriage was as important as they make it out to be would boycott it until conditions improve. Perhaps until the legality of marriage is available to ALL citizens we could tone down (or in some cases altogether eliminate) the hype around weddings. Stop the pushing of the shiny evil rings, the insanely expensive dresses that no one wears twice, the acceptance of people thinking they are royalty because of this occasion,the happily ever after fairy tale (I guess the divorce rate is irrelevant) and my personal favorite, the complete lack of creativity in expressing how much you love someone.
Oscar Wilde,my dead but still relevant soulmate, said: “People who love only once in their lives are. . . shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination.”Although I think he is speaking more to monogamy in general than just marriage, I do think his point is relevant to the concept we are fed since birth that we should be locked with one person, of the opposite sex, forever and ever and ever.
I do understand that people need validation for their love, and for nearly all their emotions for that matter. However, love hits a nerve with nearly everyone. Society may have its constructions, but I do believe we are naturally inclined to want to belong and avoid lonliness. We need to be loved, and if we don't have some kind of tangible validation like a phrase or a ceremony to recognize it we are left into an abyss with the perpetual question if we can or ever will be loved.
But what happens when people want to stray out of the box and not get married? Pressure. Think about it. Sure we have the players and the field dwellers (most of whom are men) that seem to be having a good time being single, but there is still the lingering assumption that all that enjoyment, if any, being single, is all just tailgating to the big game of marriage.
You know what would be totally kick-ass and awesome in my ideal, fantasy world? People loving each other, for no reason, without societal validation, without restrictions based on sexual orientation, race, class. Just because they can. And unless you really have to, don't rush to the altar, the better alternative:
promise your love and commitment to a significant other(s) and actually just follow through.
